Friday, 11 November 2016

How to celebrate birthdays

Few years back, I tried celebrating my birthday in a different fashion. May be the simplest way ever.
  • 23:50 hours: Removed my birthdate from fb.
  • 00.00 hours: Was alone. No calls. No messages.
  • 00.02 hours: Cake cutting and all.
  • 00.30 hours: In deep sleep. Dreaming.
  • 07.30 hours: Woke up by an alarm.
  • 08.30 hours: Went to the nearby temple.
  • 11.00 hours: School hours started.
  • 01.00 hours: Had lunch with classmates.
  • 17.00 hours: School ends. Happy that no one remembers that it was my bday.
  • 17.30 hours: Came back home.
  • 18.00 hours: Played a lot of Snooker.
  • 20.30 hours: Had monotonous dinner at home.
  • 21.00 hours: Call from few relatives. Received blessings again.
  • 21:30 hours: Played Dota & CS for half an hour.
  • 22.00 hours: Became nostalgic. Slept off within minutes.
  • 00.00 hours: SleepingDreaming. Snoring.
This was actually the best birthday I have ever celebrated. There was no huss and fuss. No party stuff. It was just as simple as any other day for me. Blessings from parents and some relatives. No fake calls and messages. Introverts have a good life, I guess. Their birthday celebration is best in its own ways.
Cheers Introverts.
Love to be one!


Friday, 13 May 2016

I've got to be strong

She used to smile
to really smile
she used to love life.

But then one day,
From nowhere,
Her life completely changed.

"I've got to be strong"
  She said to herself
and so, her heart she locked away.

She was strong for years,
  but as time went by
she started to fear

Her feelings wanted freedom
so she opened her heart for a little while
and then they came pouring...

Shouting and bitting
screaming and demanding attention
She couldn't take the pressure

So she wrote a note to her loved ones
and with tears in her eyes
she swallow the death pills

Her mom tried to save her
she went to get help
and they helped her

The feelings are strong
but now she knows,
that it was too late.

She blamed herself
but now she knows,
she knows she is stronger.

Sadness is weird for me

Sadness is weird for me.
It leaks from my biggest smile,
and from tears of laughter.
Sadness lingers with me in a hug, 
and when I´m dancing.
It creeps into my mind when I'm alone
or de center of a party.
The urge to cry is there
I simply lack the tears.

Sadness is weird for me
It hides in the corner of my mind 
to surprise me when I least expect it
But other times it prances around
waiving a flag as if to show me...
but I know, I feel it
I simply lack the tears

Sadness is weird for me
because it is numb 
and yet I feel it so strong.
Because I smile, 
even when I want to cry
I simply lack the tears.

Sunday, 3 January 2016

I'm not weak, I'm human

I don't remember much
I remember sitting with my mom
She said something that triggered me emotionally
I ignored it, I zoned out
I excused myself
I came to my room
I closed the door
I lay in my bed
Enduring the pain
Of my emotional misfortune
As well as the physical pain
From my pounding head
For some reason
I caught sight of my chest
I could see my nightdress
And I could see my heart
Trying as much as it can
To shy away from the pain
I felt it sink into hiding
I wish there was something
Something I could do for it
It's always been there for me
All the grenades it's caught for me
The scars it's bared for me
The cracks it's cemented for me
I felt a tear fall from my right eye
I was stunned, I touched my tear
I tasted it, salty taste of melancholy
That was weird for me
Because I haven't cried in 12 months
I wasn't expecting to cry
I never thought I would cry
Then I felt it
That feeling you get
When you drown yourself
In your own river of tears

Not Much To Be Sad About Yet

The younger kid 
Looks at the older girl 
And wonders
Why she doesn't drive yet

Why she's still riding the
School bus,

He wonders
Why her ears are plugged 
So deep,
Throbbing with sounds
He can almost hear.

He wonders 
Why she looks so sullen.
So somber.

At his younger age,
There's not as much
To be sad about yet.
But he doesn't know.
And she's not about to tell him.

They're separated by years
And he can't quite understand her
But she understands 
Because she used to do it too.

Why did i ever grow up?

Why'd I grow up?

The internal clock winds down another year
Time keeps going by faster i fear
How much longer am i supposed to be here
That's not up for me to decide
Or is it
Who knows anymore
Certainly not me
Counted my birthdays on five year intervals with my fingers and toes
I've ran out
Nineteen years old still so very concerned with what life is about
I'm wasting time 
Or am i
Who knows anymore
Am i still in my youth
What little youth i had
You tend to grow up very fast when self loathing thoughts are all you've ever had
Praying to a god to relieve you of always being so sad
Relative to everything that's happened in the past
I cannot release this hot burning coal 
Its not as simple as letting things go

God Mad Me...

God made me loving
So I would love everyone

God made me broken
So I could make sure I never break someone else

God made me hurt
So I could heal others

God made me anxious
So I could learn to trust

God made me motherly
For those who don't have one

God made me uncoordinated
So I would know that balance
Is not always physical

God made me compassionate
So I would know his love for us

God made me faithful
So I would know what it's like to be betrayed

God made me insecure
So I could tell others that no one is perfect

God made me human
And uncoordinated that I am

So He could prove to me
That He is stronger than my ups

New Year #3

We’ve survived another 365 days of endless mayhem & crazy moments,
as we end this year with a bang, we take a look down memory lane.

We remember all the moments that changed us, bettered us, hurt us.
& regardless, we are grateful; for those have made us stronger as a whole.

Although we have a long journey to go, we continue to grow as souls.

It’s been quite a year, some moments better than others,
perhaps a balance; of all things, strange & un-expected.

Personally, it’s been one hell of a realization for me, myself & I.
I’m grateful for everything though, it helped me discover a lot
and it makes me more eager to explore what’s next to come.

And to whoever has struggled this year: we’ve made it!
I’m so proud of anyone who has struggled & yet still fought on
it’s not easy to deal with our problems, it’s endless at times
but getting through it despite it all is an accomplishment.

With each year, we learn more about ourselves as a whole,
we discover parts of us we never knew existed
as well as finding strength we never knew we had.

This year has been full of risks, anxious moments,
self-loathing, overthinking, but we still made it through.

I have a good feeling about 2016 though, it’s kind of nice.

Happy New Year , everyone!

I hope it’s a good one for you and even if it isn’t
then just know that you’re worth so much.

New Year #2

Everyone is writing them,
I guess I should too.
It's a new year,
everyone says it's a new start.
When really you stay the same.
You never restart.
I have no New Year resolutions,
for I will not stick with them.
Things will get in the way.
I don't see the point,
so I shall not bother.
Everyone have a good year,
even though I will stay here.

New Year #1

New Year's Eve
2 minutes to midnight
1 minute
30 seconds
20 seconds
10 seconds

It's a new year
But it's a scary year
Every year
It's just been back to the same thing
Back to school
Back to friends
Back to boring

This year,
everything is changing
Back to school
till May
April showers
Bring high school results

3rd of August fireworks
Fade into first year
of college.
I've always dreamed of this
But it's so close
And I want a redo

Because it's been
almost a whole year
since you left
and I sit
and think of you

We were supposed to do this
But you left.

School Results

Two 100's.
My father says the world is my oyster.

I guess I could do anything,
continue to learn

anything I wanted
to know, I could know - anything.

Knowledge is power
and the world is my oyster.